If you told me a year ago that Id one day insist on keeping a ready supply of kimchi in my refrigerator (one we’d have that was specifically designed for the purpose, in fact) or that I’d develop a once-a-week kimbap habit, I’m not sure what I would have said.
But in a year of pleasant surprises, these were actually some of the least surprising.
More surprising, I think, is how well David and I’ve adapted to both a new country and a new life at the same time. It’s sometimes hard to separate in my mind what adjustments we’ve made as newlyweds getting used to being married, and those that we made as Americans getting used to Korea, both life changes having happened almost simultaneously.
Not that it’s all been smooth sailing.
I’m sure he was surprised to have me go from someone who had no problem with rush hour traffic in Atlanta during a rain storm to a woman who would freak out at the prospect of driving five blocks in Seoul. It can’t be exactly comforting to move halfway around the world to discover that, among other things, your formerly independent-minded wife no longer wants to go the grocery store by herself. (The cold weather actually took care of that particular phobia. After February, I’d have driven a scooter through hell to avoid lugging bags from Kim’s Club out to the taxi stand. But, I still won’t drive north of Namsan.)
As for me, I wasn’t exactly thrilled at his newly proficient use of what I like to call the “Korean ‘maybe.’” Here, it is considered socially uncomfortable to refuse to do something someone asks you to do, even if you don’t want to do it, and sometimes even if doing it may be physically or otherwise impossible. To any newcomers out there, be advised, if someone in Korea says to you it is “maybe difficult” to do something, it usually means “it ain’t gonna happen.”
This took some getting used to.
Me (at 6 p.m.): Hey, instead of cooking, do you want to go to that new Italian place for dinner tonight?
Dave: Maybe . . .
Me: Well, do you want to think about it and let me know?
Dave: Maybe…
Me: !@%@@#?!
But, overall, the year has been very good to us. And not just because we are expecting to add a third person to our interesting adventure.
Over the past 12 months, I’ve watched as the husband I once thought very reserved has thrived on meeting new people, excelled at learning a very difficult new language and adjusted to a business socializing culture that is, well—unique—to say the least.
I’ve come to realize that while he still has all the wonderful qualities that attracted me to him in the first place–funny, smart, easygoing, tolerant of hysterical phone calls in middle of day, etc.—there were many more wonderful ones waiting to be discovered. He takes pains to consider the feelings of others, and he’s definitely willing to go the extra mile to prove himself to Korean customers. But, he doesn’t let himself get bullied.
After some bad initial experiences, he doesn’t do room salons, or juicy bars, or all-night drinking sessions. He’ll do “one shot” (several times over) when it’s necessary, but won’t sacrifice his integrity on the altar of developing the “best” business relationships. He’s been amazingly good at knowing how to walk that, at times, very thin line.
He takes pains not to give offense. But, whereas I sometimes back down too easily, he doesn’t. When the vet taking care of Samson wanted to take him in the back to start an IV line without us, David didn’t hesitate, he knew Samson was frightened, so he walked right back with him, staying by his side through the whole process. If it was “maybe better” that he not, well, that was just tough.
He tells me all the time that he’s lucky to have me. And, I don’t think I tell him nearly enough that I know how lucky I am to have him. I know there are a lot of people for whom the first year of marriage is the hardest, when they discover the real truth, warts and all, about the person they are pledged to for life. I know I’m lucky to say that, for the most part, the new things I’ve discovered are good.
I can’t think of a better person to spend my life with. I’m glad I decided to go with him halfway around the world.
Happy First Anniversary, sweetie.
I’d follow you to the moon.
