I’m getting maybe just the slightest bit tired of people telling me how “lucky” I am.
Believe me, I know how bitchy that sounds. But when I hear it lately, it most often refers to just one thing:
I am lucky to be married.
Don’t get me wrong. I am lucky. David’s a sweetheart and I was very fortunate to find someone so wonderful and have him fall in love with me. And, I am thankful every day to share my life with him. But when people here say, “You’re so lucky,” the tone is less like:
“You’re fortunate to have found someone to love,”
and more like,
“You should get down on your hands and knees every morning and thank God you have a man otherwise you’d be a worthless spinster!”
I don’t think I am exaggerating. My single Korean friends tell me that a woman here is considered an old maid if she is not married by 30 at the latest, and 28 or 29 is pushing it. And, it goes without saying, that remaining unmarried is seen as a tragic fate. Expat friends of mine who are single are the objects of an excessive amount of pity, in my opinion.
Given the workload that a Korean traditionally wife bears, I’m surprised that more women don’t wait longer to get married. From what people tell me, wives are expected do all of the housework, pay the bills, and care for the children, in addition to maintaining a full-time job outside the home. The costs of living being what they are in Seoul, only people who are fairly wealthy can afford to have one parent stay at home. The husband’s duty is to bring home the bacon, which means working 14 hours a day and entertaining clients at long dinners at night, if necessary. (And the government wonders why the birth rate isn’t higher.)
All of that I find disturbing on an intellectual level, but it’s really not my problem. What *is* my problem, is the number of women (and some men) who don’t mind telling me what an attractive mate my husband would make for the aforementioned worthy and available single females. (The not-so-subtle implication being that, of course, he would want to upgrade me for a better, i.e., Korean, model.)
